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Waiting for the Phone to Ring
Thaddeus Rutkowski
I'm ashamed of myself for doing this, since I haven't
really done it since the days of waiting for a potential date to call,
someone who by calling would show some interest in me, would take me
out of my isolation. That was the pleasant moment—the moment spent
waiting for the phone to ring—before I began to feel rejected,
before I became terrified of the prospect of loneliness.
Now, I most often pray for the phone not to ring,
so I can do my crazy thing without interruption. But here I am waiting
for the phone to ring, waiting to find out an important detail, such
as whether someone got my end-of-the world message and wants to call
me back about it. But what was my message, really? Was I really asking
about the end of the world? Was I trying to hook up with the all-powerful
being to find out about the fate of all things? Or was I just waiting
to find out what happened to my order of fish and chips? That must have
been it. I must have just been waiting to learn the fate of my takeout
order.
© Thaddeus Rutkowski
© Kaya Press |
Thaddeus Rutkowski's first novel, Roughhouse (Kaya
Press), was a finalist for the Members' Choice of the Asian American
Literary Awards. His new novel, Tetched, is forthcoming
from Behler Publications.
He lives in Manhattan with his
wife and daughter. |
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