AWP 2014 Events Worth Checking Out

AWP 2014 kicks off tomorrow, and as a courtesy to our readers we've put together a selection of the conference's can't-miss events.

You're welcome.

Why are you not famous yet?

Wednesday, 7:45pm Hall C

A group of authors younger than you flaunt their bank accounts and discuss their various awards.

The Memoir

Thursday 2pm Hall F

Published authors and experienced editors give advice on monetizing your terrible upbringing.

The art of the erotic novella

Friday 9am Conference Room 2

Obese shut-ins who make millions of dollars self-publishing pornography discuss artistic integrity and laugh like they’re hiding something. Towels will not be provided, so plan ahead.

An evening with Claudia Haines

Friday 7pm Hall 1

Claudia Haynes published a single poem in The Paris Review 28 years ago. Join her as she discusses her process and grouses bitterly about missed opportunities.

The value of an MFA

Saturday 1pm Hall C

Teams of MFA faculty and bloggers compete in a pie-eating contest to decide once and for all whether academic writing programs actually have merit.

20 years of Zenix!

Saturday 8pm Hall C

The publishers of Zenix! join a group of authors associated with the magazine in a frantic conversation that assumes you are familiar with the publication and exaggerates its importance in cultural history.

The world needs ditch diggers too: giving up the dream

Sunday, Noon Conference Room 3

Anyone ready to give up the dream is invited to meet with military recruiters and career counselors to discuss potential opportunities as either cannon fodder or substitute teachers.